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Grapefruit spoon : evil device

As a child I was tortured by my parents. Having been converted to the ways of health food, they fed me museli for breakfast in an earthenware bowl. The combination of dusty oats and the rough grit of the inside of the bowl meant that it was many years before I was able to scrape the inside of a bowl with my spoon again as I ate. It was the breakfast cereal equivalent of nails on a blackboard.

Grapefruit Spoon shock

Many years having passed, I sat down to lunch recently with my parents-in-law, and suffered the most horrible sensation I have had since those early parental experiments with earthenware.

I had been given a grapefruit spoon to eat my melon ball starter. "So?" you might say. I can't describe the feeling of serrated metal grating against teeth whilst trying to eat fruit, without shuddering uncontrollably, much like Gary Larson's curator Ernie Schwartz who, after 23 uneventful years at the zoo's snakehouse, has a cumulative attack of the willies. I feel fairly comfortable in saying that these evil devices are sure to appear in many top shelf do-it-yourself torture guides.

Warning

Do society a favour. If you find a grapefruit spoon, hand it in to your nearest police station.